samurai style

30.1. does this sound somehow familiar?

"When a samurai was at home his swords decorated the most visible place in work- or guestroom, always ready for use. At night the swords guarded his head. The swords were given names and they were worshipped. ... To produce a sword was a religious seremony and skilled swordsmiths ... were blessed by gods and were even thought to be kami by themselves." *)

well there are a lot of historical theories and philosophies that i once have learned/read about, and then forgotten, and it seems like i have very well melted some of them to become part of my own philosophy. :)

since a couple of days i'm quite stressed because of a few things, one is troubling me a lot. my future. i don't have one, it seems. :/ i might get one, but for that i should be really brave, and i'm just so scared of everything. :/ but continuing like this will end in suicide some day.

whatever, now i'm home again after weekend and should get some rest mentally and physically before leaving to see my parents on wednesday. tomorrow i have to clean my room. i last time did in october. O_o and last time i had about three months break in cleaning was sometime in 2003 when sick, or 2004-5 when dramatically deep depressed. well i don't think i ever had this long break at all.. and, i have technic to play with: search again for tv channels cause they change, install a music software, transfer photos from camera and mobile phone, write something if time left. there's nothing to eat but instant noodles, but they'll do. i've had tortillas 3 days in a row.

so, now have to go to bed. Seed will guard my head when i sleep. :)

*) source: Ilmari Vesterinen: Lohikäärme ja krysanteemi, 1988; translation and underlining my own.