fire

13.12. there's a fire burning inside me, eating, consuming me. everytime i see your brethren it grows to swallow me whole. and yet are you the only one to calm me, cool and dark, soothing the fire. i'm changing, and can't stop it. don't even want to stop it. should i live in the past? or follow you to the unseen future? 17 years i could live without making decision, now it gets closer every day by day. things must change. i will burn to ashes this way. will you give me power to move on? will you be my future, become my new past, satisfy the thirst in my present? ó_ò

20.12. still burning. massive restlessness. movies make it worse. sedatives hardly work. guess i'm not going to update here in x-mas time. gonna read The Blood Angels Omnibus on holiday, spend time with family, try to remain calm, get enough sleep, use internet when i have the possibility to do it every day. Seasons Greeting and Happy New Year to anyone who happens to come here!