don't touch my balls!!

28.4. you're not gonna touch my balls, you're not gonna touch my balls.. it's such a catchy melody! :D

at this time of day (2:21AM) i start talking to myself and acting stupid like singing that song all the time, jumping across all the stuff laying here to get this and that. got myself dry bread with cheese, found surprisingly (DEAD vegetables in fridge that actually had evolved a new life) two pieces of the sweet bagel i took out of freezer yesterday (was it yesterday? i don't remember anything of that evening). they were under a pile that i'd have never looked in but was in search for small plastic bags for food. O-o looks like my brain is not working anymore with now close to 18 hours awake. the food will help. although it all tastes like those dead vegetables. and i had been wondering what the hell is stinking there. xP well, this is like how i manage my food business. in my room is laying food that was not consumed to end cause i had again big difficulties of eating yesterday. you're not gonna touch my balls..

have been extra happy today (yesterday), although i'm broke and have to pay the haircut AND the trip to Helsinki on Friday. O_o damn. but things just make me happy, like Pleo (a robot dinosaur, check Youtube with the search "pleo robot" or such), and that song that's still playing in my head..

and some other things too. i'd so like to get a real skull of a cat or smaller animal. i'd make a necklace out of it. :) and i tried to figure how to get the (P90) 50 round mag open (it has screws so it's possible, still, i wouldn't touch it without a better manual than only japanese and picture) to take out two halfs of those fake bullets to make a necklace out of them. but i'm not sure if it'd work properly after that surgery, so i do nothing until i get at least two other ones. but, those with 300 round cost 49 euros. way too much for my wallet. damn again. yeah i know, it's gonna cost me way more than just that 100 euros.. :D

enough. almost three pieces of dry bread consumed. a lot indeed. now a soya yoghurt to make it perfect and later that bagel. when it get's 3AM i open my second energy drink. i've been going now with the first about 7 hours, and haven't taken my night meds, and am not gonna take my morning meds either to stay awake. no big thing. staying awake serves one reason: to get back to my night-day-rhytm. have been sleeping so poorly lately, don't remember anything of evenings and nights even when i wake up about once in an hour. my head is getting crippled by something. can't make difference between dreams and reality, about what is going on in my room. maybe it's this awful mess around me. :P or maybe a super mutant hit my head with his sledgehammer..

don't know if staying awake helps. i just try it out. it has helped before.

still hungry, but can't get that bread down my throat anymore. have to throw it away, like all that other food here. wasting food. have to eat something but portions seems to be too big even when they are very small. :P

now some music. Apollo 440: Electro gliding blue. one of my favorite albums ever. bought it in London 1998. fits the night good. also bought a Technotronic cd on that same trip, and it's kinda classic even when it's crap. but this one is greatness in 12 tracks. :) ..it's 3AM. good morning Battery my love. if i'd have a webcam i could show you something that rarely goes right with phone camera. there's always the problem i have to hold the cam so far away to catch the right view of Seed (and Ari too even when it's small), and have too little light sources. i made new such ones a few days ago (Tuesday??) but haven't uploaded them yet. here i'd have a brighter lamp (LED) that can be turned, and wouldn't need to make the pic from down to up. a video were no problem. whatever. no money. ..ok now i'm getting tired, i admit. my eyes become heavy and my body starts to hurt. even when my mind is awake, but it's taking damage too. my view is getting dizzy, can't focus my eyes right, reaction speed and motoric ability go down. i'm a human testobject. i want to test my limits to find out how much i can take. have slept so poorly lately that i'm now reaching my limit already after 18 hours. that's pitiful. my arms hurt so that i cannot use them much anymore. i'm sitting too low cause my chair broke, so it's extra bad. can't find words anymore. in ANY language. have to go 30 hours before i can go to sleep again (3PM). only 12 more! i'm not worried of being able to do this. only i have to rest my body sometime. can't sit here the whole night. i can read to stay awake and rest my back and arms meanwhile. well, but there's always the possibility i wait til 8AM, call my hairdresser and say i'm not coming, and go to sleep after that and sleep and sleep the whole day and night. my hair has to be cut this week! it looks awful. relaxing and resting is just bringing the sleep closer. if i fall asleep now i won't be able to wake in ten hours. i'm worried my body can't take this til the very end. that it will take damage more serious. i'm already shaking a little. muscles are no more doing what i tell them to do.

well, i'll write the final test result later sometime. i don't think i'll be able to go much more than 36 hours maximum. think that's the absolute limit and i'll most likely break down long before. :P also i need more food again in 4-6 hours and have no idea what to eat. there's nothing really tasty. ..oh yes the bagel! almost forgot it. it's still ok.

my mind's awake, i can handle that thing with my eyes, food will help my body to last longer. like a video game character i don't necessarily need to sleep, healing and eating will do as well. just have to hold on 11,5 hours more.

even my drink tastes like that new green life i found in fridge.. :P:P:P means my basic senses are not working fine anymore. i hate it when my tasting sense gets crippled. it happens quite often. it's impossible to enjoy any food, everything tastes like shit. all the same shit. even water! now my hearing too is on it's limits. i should quit listening to music, but i thought of watching a couple of Fallout videos before starting to read.. just trying to find the point where i last time stopped watching. maybe i should really forget about that.. i don't want to push my ears too far. and after getting used to the unusual perceptions caused by heavy physical stress i actually feel pretty fine. the energy drink is kicking in and painkiller works. good night and good morning all of you little sunshines out there!