19.2. ok here they come. finally, after noticing i just don't have the energy and right ideas to "decorate" these pics i'll post them without any artistic clutter. i still feel awful, kinda sad and tired, i don't feel anything really. not even pain. get hungry, eat, but with no appetite.
today i was in Leppävaara, library, spent about two and half hours in internet doing random stuff. should have looked for a game called Minecraft but forgot it, and then the library was closed. uploaded two videos in Youtube. the first two parts of 8 Bavarian Forest Xmas 2010 vids. you might be able to find them with that title, and those who know my new email address should find it easily. i haven't really been active there in a long time. maybe when i have my own internet at home. hope to get it soon, and WITHOUT extra 300 euro cost. that's TOTALLY UNFAIR. i pay my fucking bills in time, if my account is empty i always have some cash left, i never go totally broke and i'm ready to hunger if needed.
after library i went shopping. tomorrow i cook sausage soup. with a lot of veggies. it's delicious! maybe that will cheer me up a little. and i was || so close of buying something to read that i don't actually need right now. still haven't read the previous one to end. i'll force myself to finish it before getting a new number. :P the previous was bought in December, i don't know how often it comes in a year. it's the last magazine i bought.. O.o the others are all being paid by other people (A LOT OF THANKS TO ALL OF YOU, you know who you are). well, and this one also costs more than average.. :P it's been like this for years: when i find something interesting it's always one of the most expensive goods. close to the upper limit of what i can ever afford.
to the photos. they are a bit grainy cause even the paper lamp didn't give enough light. if you view them in "full size", and that's already reduced from the natural size. first is the second best:
second is the best of that row. my hands were shaking less than usually, but without enough light this is about the best result to get when not using tripod and remote control. O.o
as third i finally accepted this one. a close-up of the front parts. it was taken by leaning the cam against the lamp to keep it from shaking. point of view is not satisfying. a pillow is not, well, hard enough to be leaned against. it looks like it'd be taken without thinking, but indeed this was the best of 4 pics of the same position. i personally don't like this position much but i need this kind of photos.. i explain that further..
yeah, that's it. pics taken from the side are important and i'm trying to get a fitting one for the tattoo design. yes i want a P90-tattoo. :) i'm not sure 'bout the colors. maybe petrol green and black, or petrol blue and black, or just black with shades of grey. i've been thinking 'bout this for YEARS. trying to find a way to bring most of it to one picture, but in a way it's still light and not too dominating. i already have one tattoo on my right leg, and this one should come to the left leg. i'm not yet sure how. i've got a good idea but still no clue how to create that image. needs a lot of work with GIMP and i'm still not very familiar with it. and i don't know if it were better vertically or horizontally. impossible to say from where i'm looking at my leg. :P so i'd also need help from a tattoo artist. they have a better eye for such things.
also, i'd need a repairing tattoo for the old pic, cause it has THE WORST SIN and that should be hidden. :P i'd need something, well, flowing around my ankle. a sort of dark liquid were nice. it could have something like vertical waves surrounding the old pic.
ok i know most people in my family are quite against tattoos. they don't understand. and some, like mom, would go crazy if they knew i had a tattoo of a gun like Seed. she doesn't like that harmless comic figure either. :P well, at the moment nobody of my biologic family knows about Seed.. if dad comes here soon i might show it to him. u know, i'm not always in control of what i do.. O.o but i just DON'T WANT to move the box anywhere else than where it's now, and every-freakin-body who goes past my bed and looks to the lower part of my bookshelf sees it. it's laying there. and it's not even needed to look down there: the user manual is laying in the shelf in a very good visible place. ;) i like to have it in sight u know.
well i quit here for today. did not write a lot fiction either. my butt is hurting from too much sitting on this hard chair, and my back too. :P go to my room and read. could eat something before that. energy drink makes me hungry. :P
P.S. if you wonder what is the background for those photos of Seed it's a pillow with the bedding of Vallila, name is Kelohonka (that means "dead tree" :P) and i guess it's still available. colors black (tree), white and purple. it looks great.